classics
These are the ride-or-die baked goods—the ones that show up every time, no questions asked. They don’t care if you’re celebrating a win, crying in your car, or just avoiding your responsibilities for the day. Cookies, brownies, bars —these classics are basically the best friends you’ll ever have, only sweeter and way less dramatic.
All classics go for $25. Handmade with love and rage. Zero preservatives, zero regrets. If you want processed sadness, the grocery store has you covered.
sopapilla cheesecake bars
Golden crescent roll layers stuffed with sweetened cream cheese, kissed with vanilla, drowned in butter, and buried under cinnamon sugar. Baked in a 9x13 pan, these sopapilla cheesecake bars don’t just hit your sweet tooth—they roll their eyes, call you weak, and ruin your diet faster than you can say ‘just one piece.’
cream cheese chocolate chip cookies - two dozen
A classic chocolate chip cookie, but hotter. Fluffy in all the right places, loaded with chocolate, and out here giving every other cookie a complex. Won’t solve your problems… but will absolutely make you forget they exist for at least five glorious bites.
sheet pan cookie bars
A half sheet pan of cookie bars, because a regular pan is for quitters. Thick, chewy, and loaded with chocolate chips, this is basically an edible cry for help—except it tastes way better. Forget portion sizes, just grab a square the size of your face and call it self-care.
And yes—these bad boys can be slathered in buttercream and decorated (FOR MORE $$$!), because if life’s a joke, it may as well come with frosting.
banana bread brownies
THIS SHIT IS BANANAS - B - A - N- A - N - A - S -
Banana bread grew up, got hotter, and showed up in brownie form—dense, moist, and topped with silky brown butter frosting. A 9x13 pan that makes regular banana bread look like it wasn’t even trying.
cream cheese pound cake
Thick, rich, and packed with cream cheese, this loaf doesn’t bother pretending to be “light” or “guilt-free.” It’s unapologetically heavy, ridiculously moist, and downright bougie for something you slice like bread. One bite says classy tea party, three bites say unbutton your jeans and cancel plans.
brown butter espresso brownies
An 8x8 pan of rich, fudgy chaos: nutty brown butter meets bold espresso, baked into chocolate that could probably wake the dead (or at least get you through Monday). Dense, chewy, and dangerously addictive—these brownies don’t whisper “just one bite”; they dare you to black out and wake up wondering how you inhaled half a pan.